dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
