I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
