that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
