I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
