Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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