Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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