Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
it was like eating out sand paper
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Shame is for Republicans.
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