I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
