I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
