Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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