do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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