i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
