I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
