Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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