The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
