I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
