so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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