Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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