Are we in a gay sports bar?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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