oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
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