As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Randomize
