My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
