When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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