Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
i think i just lost a toe
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
