guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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