If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
