So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
