Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Randomize
