you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
