so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
