I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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