It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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