Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize