You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
