Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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