I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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