i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize