you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
