recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
