bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
