I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Randomize
