saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
