All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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