I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
