so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize