At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
