sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
