You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
