it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
