Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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