this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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