I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
