people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
