dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
