I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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