you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
