Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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