So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
