I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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