I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
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