the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
