We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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