So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
