My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
