That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
