the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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