You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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