the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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