We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
