my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I wish there were birth control emojis
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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