Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
