..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
It's shark week go big or go home
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
