i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
