So drunk its hurt
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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