And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
