well you can't waste a boner
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
