I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
