Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
