So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Never underestimate the power of titties
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
