I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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