Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
