Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
