I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
