You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
