just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
