Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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