cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
