I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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