sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize