I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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