you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
