it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Holy sore nipples Batman
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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