He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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