I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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