forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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