allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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