So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
