I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
