are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
we're chasing vodka with high fives
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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