well I can't set my house on fire every night
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
