i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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