There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize