That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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