I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
