Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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