Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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