His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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